Nine is Divine! Enjoying the Journey, Life & Sobriety One Day at A Time
Nine years drug and alcohol free, I never imagined that I could get here… It’s almost a decade!! 3 years ago, I made the decision to be open and honest about my road to recovery from drugs and alcohol. It took me 6 years to become willing to share it publicly, and today, it’s my intention in doing so to remove some of the stigma from the words, “alcoholic” and “addict.” Alcoholism and addiction does NOT discriminate, it can affect anyone, anywhere, no matter your age, race or socioeconomic status. Its main goal is to take you down and keep you away from the help and life you deserve to have and live. It’s my goal in sharing some of my journey here, and here with you that you may know someone somewhere who may benefit from my experience, strength and hope. Please send this post along if you know that person who could use some encouragement or inspiration to consider a life drug/alcohol free.
Each year at this time I reflect on how I got to where I am in my journey to recovery. When I look back to 9 years ago I remember how I would dress up for work at my corporate job, go to social events and how I tried to show you that on the outside I seemed to be really happy and have it all put together. However, what I was hiding was an ache deep in my heart to figure out who I really was, to find another way of life and a way to escape from my obsession with alcohol. It was hard for me to admit but, alcohol controlled me.
I was consumed by thoughts of where and when I would be able to drink next – whether it was after work with friends or at home.
During that time I was pretending to be fine but the truth was, I was miserable. I looked alright on the outside while my soul really dying on the inside. I had no hope. It wasn’t until September of 2010 when a series of coincidences led me to finally surrender and find the hope I had been looking for, that journey is here.
It’s been nine years. I’m blown away by this. Nine years of putting in the work. Nine years of actively choosing my health and well-being every single day. Nine years of making decisions that support me on my path to being the best version of myself. It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions through the years, from uncontrollably crying on my bedroom floor in defeat to having tears of gratitude, true laughter, and pure joy in my heart, in sobriety. Life may not be perfect, but I know each day when I get up and make the choice to not drink alcohol alcohol, my life is better.
Today I’m really choosing to enjoy the journey of life.
A few months ago on a trip to Colorado, the message of just enjoying the journey and being present in each moment hit me hard and it’s really been front and center for me ever since. I’ve been choosing to keep it that way – focusing on what’s really important, practicing detachment from outcomes and focusing instead on enjoying the simple moments. I even made this an intention for me to focus on for the rest of 2019. Maybe you can relate – and if you’re interested in making it one of your goals too, I wrote a goal setting blog that can help you get started here.
For me, this message showed up just after the 4th of July when I was spending a few days in one of my favorite places, Frisco Colorado. I wanted to go on a hike and no one was free to go so I decided to go alone. I found a 6 mile trail that sounded perfect (for my hiking friends, try this site, and this one to find great trails). It was a BEAUTIFUL trail, it reminded me of what the sound of music looked like, but even better! There was a babbling brook, a pond, snow capped mountain views, gorgeous lush pine trees, aspen trees and butterflies flying and landing all around me, it was magical.
Then, a few miles into my hike my mind took over and started complaining saying, ”are we there yet, when is it half way point, when can I eat my apple, how far am I going, do I have cell service anymore, when am I turning back, I’m sweating and this is uncomfortable, are we there yet, blah blah blah blah.” And all of a sudden it dawned on me, and I heard myself say to:
****WHAT’S the fucking RUSH to get to the end?****
WHAT’S the RUSH? You’re going to turn back and be right back on this path anyway, how about you:
*****ENJOY THE FUCKING JOURNEY KELLIE???*****
Wow! Ok, I heard that and I thought, ok, um,…..yes, WHY NOT?
Trust me, I totally get that this is NOT a new idea or a revelation, however, to me, it was the universe giving me the metaphor for my life and a reminder:
⭐️ENJOY THE JOURNEY?
?ENJOY THE MOMENT?
?Find JOY IN THE NOW?
?YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT PATH?
?HAVE FUN NOW?
?ENJOY THE NOW?
?ENJOY THE JOURNEY?
?ENJOY THE MOMENT?
⚡️Trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be, the universe has your back and has BIG plans for you⚡️
So I decided to sit on a tree stump, take in this magical hike ✨ exactly where I was and record a few notes about this, as it felt like an important day to remember.
And today, I’m still taking action towards my goals and working on not beating myself up for what’s not done yet, and allowing myself to ENJOY the NOW and be ok with exactly where I am today.
Sometimes I just need to quiet my mind and listen for a moment to hear the message the universe is telling me through my own intuition! How about you? Does that resonate for you at all? Tell me below.
I am grateful to be able to hear that message and I’m practicing it today, and every day and I encourage you to practice it too! This empowers me to enjoy life and the journey I’m on, and to find gratitude and magic in even the smallest moments. And what a beautiful way to approach each day, with a renewed sense of appreciation and wonder.
Make sure you’re signed up for my blog updates here, and come back next week to get the steps on the easiest way I have found to do this.
Nine years sober, I continue to look for ways to help others who might be struggling too. If you or someone you know is struggling with drugs or alcohol, or if you know deep in your heart that your life would be better without it, yet you have NO idea how to let it go…I have been in your shoes. I have felt that way too, and can tell you, another way of life is possible if you want it.
If you want another perspective you can read my journey to sobriety post here, my 8 years sober gratitude post here, 40 Life Lessons, here and take this quiz here if you or someone you know needs some guidance regarding alcohol. No matter what, know you are not alone. There is hope and I’m here for you. Feel free to email me if you have questions or need help.
Here’s your Bicoastal Beauty tip of the week:
How are you coming along with your 2019 goals? Revisit your goals now, decide what you want to focus on for the next 3 months and move the rest aside, there is still time. Click here to see that post. Also, there is still time to donate or join my 5k walking (or you can run) team to raise funds and awareness for Pancreatic Cancer, here.
See you next week and thank you so much for sharing in my journey.
With love & gratitude,
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Photography by Johanna Kitzman, Studio Freyja